Bailey's Blog

2010-01-07T12:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Blogspot,

I want you to know how dear to me these past 5 years have been. No other website has ever allowed me the freedom to share my thoughts and feelings the way you have. You have never judged or censored, and that means the world.

However, I feel as though these blessed years have drawn to their close.
It's nothing you have done.
I simply need something new.

But don't fret.

You can continue to follow my ridiculous, pointless thoughts at www.baileyprice.wordpress.com.

Don't think of this as an end, but rather, a new beginning. A new chapter in our lives.

Blogspot, you will always have a place in my heart. I will never delete you.

But this is something I just have to do.

Forgive me.

-Bailey

2010-01-06T15:58:00.000-08:00

I just got back to Sylacauga after spending New Years in Birmingham and the following week in Atlanta at the Passion Conference. ( 268generation.com tells more about it )

And I am thankful.

I am thankful for good, sweet, wonderful friends.
I am thankful for community.
I am thankful for laughter.
I am thankful for coffee.
I am thankful for worship.
I am thankful for incredible and challenging speakers.
I am thankful for the ability to hear.
I am thankful that our God is a God of surprises.
I am thankful for lessons learned - no matter how hard or how exhausting or how frustrating they may be.
I am thankful for grace.
I am thankful for giving.
I am thankful for opportunities to see the Lord's power.
I am thankful for my Jesus.
I am thankful that God is a God-centered God.
I am thankful for conviction.

I could go on and on and on and on.

Because I am just thankful today.

Because our God is a good God. And we are SO blessed to know Him.

2009-12-28T07:07:00.000-08:00

There’s something very novel about my winter break this year.
My family spent Christmas in Sylacauga and we had a great time. Santa was very generous and I was very thankful for the time we all got to spend together. Going to school 13 hours from home makes those moments rare and difficult to come by, and therefore precious.
But today, two days after Christmas, my mom, dad, brother, and sister headed back to Dallas and back to real life. Which leaves me sort of on my own for the rest of the break. I have plans to spend New Years Eve with my friends in Birmingham. I’m in my grandmother’s wedding on the 2nd (yes my grandmother, it’s weird, but that’s a story for another time) and then I’m going to Passion Conference immediately after that. Not to mention Monster Truck Jam in Atlanta on the 7th (don’t judge). I have a lot lined up before school starts. But these next few days are sort of empty.
So I talked to some friends in Atlanta and made plans to hop around there until New Years.
It’s all very exciting.
And this week specifically is one I’m looking forward to.
I essentially have 4 days to do whatever I want. The last 4 days of 2009.
I suppose they are just 4 days like any other but the fact that they’re the last days of the year and some of the last days of my teenage life makes them feel more special and real and valuable.
I packed up my things and drove away from my grandparent’s house this morning and I have no where that I need to be. I think I’ll spend tonight in Atlanta with my roommate but I don’t really have to. So I drove to Birmingham. If I do end up in Atlanta tonight, this was way out of my way. But I don’t care. Because I knew there was a Starbucks here and I wanted to come and read my Bible and get coffee and a muffin and write and read my new book. I drove with the windows down and the sun behind me and my music up loud.
I am entirely on my own. And it’s all very adult and freeing and novel-esque.
I’m trying to appreciate life.
Trying to see Jesus in the wind and the static of the radio and the blinding rays of light that reflect off my rear view mirror. I want to live and live well and take in every second of every day, good or bad, because its all I’ve been given and I want God to be glad he gave it to me.
I have things on my mind. Hard things. And there’s trash in my car and my suitcase has exploded across the back seat and I don’t have enough room in my trunk for everything. I am going to run out of gas at some point and I spent too much money on Christmas presents that I’m not even sure my family liked. My contacts are dry but I don’t have any extras with me and I still don’t know where my roommates and I are going to live next year.
But I just take it as it comes.
Because this day was meant to be lived. And the Lord says he is satisfied when we are satisfied in Him. And I am satisfied.
I get lost in these long drives. My iPod has a way of drawing me into the idealism and romance of great music, and the clouds and the sky and the open road pull me in even further. And I roll down the windows and let my hair get tangled and my hands get cold just because I can and it feels right and free and normal. I feel like the star in a movie about youth and spontaneity, and I love it.
But then the radio stations change and my iPod starts to cut out right in the middle of my favorite verse. And I decide that it is, in fact, much too cold for the windows down, open road thing so I start to roll up my window only to find that it is, in fact, stuck. And my hair starts to painfully whip me in the face over and over and over again. And I’m so cold that my nose is running. And I’m almost out of gas. And I’m hungry.
Life just has a funny way of keeping my feet on the ground.
Like back at school when I’m stuck inside on a beautiful day studying accounting or business law and I decide that I’m just going to quit – just sell my books and write an apology note to my parents and pick up and move off to London to live in a sketchy apartment and wait tables and write what is sure to be the best novel ever written while living off of toast and black coffee – and then I realize that I’m only dreaming, I could definitely never afford that or pull it off and that I have to finish my degree or my parents will disown me, which means, for that moment, that I have to keep studying.
I am very spontaneous in my brain. But very realistic and boring in my actions.
And that has had a history of just really frustrating me.
But recently, I’ve started to see the beauty in living the planned-out, not so crazy spontaneous life too.
And it scares me.
For example, typically when I am back in Flower Mound, I hate everything about it and I count down the minutes until I can get the heck out of there. But the few days I spent at home at the beginning of this break were different. My heart was broken for that town. I saw a people and a culture that needed Jesus. I even caught myself thinking of what it would be like to be a witness in suburban America.
And I’m just really hoping that these new thoughts do not mean that the Lord is preparing me for that life. Because yeah, I know his plan is better than mine, blah blah blah, but I would just really like his plan for me to be big, cool, non-suburban things. And I’m sure he is laughing at me as I write this.
And I’m okay with that.
I guess I should appreciate learning to find joy in this every day, simple life too. Learning to laugh at broken car windows and messiness and my train-wreck-of-a-self is a blessing because those things happen a whole heck of a lot more often than the blue sky, hand out the window, moving off to London things.
I’m just maybe having a little bit of a hard time letting go of my romanticized dreams of living downtown and quitting school and doing what I’ve always thought of as super cool artsy things to do.
And I’m just maybe walking a little slower into the tentative world of embracing realistic dreams and normal life.
I’ll get there. It just is taking a little longer than it does for some people. And that’s okay.
But maybe until then, I’m just going to live up these 4 days of spontaneity and long drives and silly emotions and big dreams. Because I can. And when life brings my feet back to the ground once again, I’ll keep learning to live that up to. Because it’s all a gift from the Lord. Good or bad, big or small, London or Alpharetta. And I will choose to be okay with whatever hand He deals me.

2009-12-26T14:04:00.000-08:00

"I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he have life to someone who loves the gift."

-Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines

This is my new favorite quote.
And my new favorite book.
And my new favorite outlook on life.

This is my "I dont want to study anymore" tangent...

2009-12-15T08:26:00.000-08:00

You know what I don't like?

When individuals end conversations with the phrase "we'll see you soon."

That's a stupid thing to say.

You don't know if you will see me soon or not. Maybe I will die today. Or maybe I will avoid you forever. You might not see me soon. Stop lying.

And even if YOU do see me soon, whoever it is that you are including in your statement of "we," will not see me soon. Because I don't even know who they are. Or they don't exist.

Either way I doubt that I will be seeing them soon.

Unless your "We" implies you and some unnamed person, and the two of you, or the group of you, creepily watch me from afar without my knowledge. Or consent for that matter. In which case, you are a CREEPER.

You plan on seeing me in the near future. Not talking to me...just seeing me.

That makes me uncomfortable.

Don't say that to me, you creepy, weird, liar.

2009-12-14T07:33:00.000-08:00

i like how when I have free time, I have very little to blog about...
but when it's finals week and I'm trying to study and pack for an entire month and see all my friends before break and thus have zero free time, I have SO many things to write about.

cool, life.

2009-12-09T22:35:00.001-08:00

"I am afraid we have eyes bigger than our stomachs, and more curiosity than capacity.

We embrace everything, but we clasp only wind."

-Montaigne

2009-12-07T17:43:00.000-08:00

The speaker this weekend at camp was a former pro football player named Chuck.
Chuck loves Jesus.
And I liked Chuck.

One of the club talks he gave was on the idea of truly diving into your faith rather than just claiming it. He discussed the idea of moving away from "I'm a Christian because I was raised that way" to "I follow Jesus because I am madly and fiercely in love with Him."

Needless to say, it was a convicting talk for everyone.

But he used a specific illustration that really stuck out to me.

It was about this crazy acrobat guy who was tight rope walking across the top of Niagara Falls. There was a group gathered on one side cheering him on and watching in anxious amazement.
When he reached the other side everyone clapped and cheered. He did what they thought couldn't be done. And they were impressed.
So he decided to kick it up a notch. He asked the crowd if they thought he could walk back across pushing a wheelbarrow. They said they did.
So he did it.
And once again they were impressed. They clapped and cheered.
But he still wasn't finished.
This time he asked the crowd if they thought he could walk back across pushing a person in the wheelbarrow.
And again, they all said they did.
So he pointed to one of the more verbal audience members, a guy towards the front who had loudly encouraged this new feat, and said "You think I can do it?"
The guy answered with a strong "Yes!"
"Well then," he replied "get in."

The guy wouldn't get in the wheelbarrow.
No one would.

So the crazy acrobat guy turned and walked away.

I don't want to just say that I believe Jesus can do what he promises to do.
This is not about words.
He says He can and will change my heart and my life.
He says He will lead and direct and guide me in all my ways.
He says He will draw near to me as I draw near to Him.
He says He will quiet me with His love.
He says He will go before me.

And I believe those things.
But I don't want to just say it.

I want to get in the wheelbarrow.

I want to look down and see nothing but wild, rushing waters and feel the mist on my face and know that the only thing keeping me alive, the only thing getting me to the other side, is Jesus.

I wan't to get in the wheelbarrow.

I was made to.

And I'm sick of just standing on the ground.

2009-12-04T06:25:00.000-08:00

My YoungLife team is taking our kids to Sharptop Cove this weekend!
The camp is up in the Georgia mountains and it is supposed to snow the whole time we're there.
I am extremely excited.
I think it is going to be a blast and I am so thrilled that a lot of the girls I have been getting to know really well recently are coming.

Last night we had about 7 new kids sign up - a few of which had never even been to club before. It is so cool to get to stand there and watch the Lord's power move and change kids hearts about wanting to go to camp.

I am so amazed by his sovereignty.

Anyway, I say all this to ask the very few of you who actually read this to please be praying for our trip this weekend.

A large majority of the kids coming do not personally know the Lord. But this weekend this gospel is going to be plainly and bodly laid out before them.
I ask for prayers that the Lord would rock their worlds.
And that my team and I would be wise and loving in all that we say and do.
And that these kids would see Jesus in us.
And that they would meet him for the first time.

God is good and powerful and wonderful and awesome.
And I am so pumped to see what he has in store for this weekend.

Thanks for sharing in this with me.

2009-12-01T05:26:00.000-08:00

Give us, O Lord, steadfast hearts that cannot be dragged down by false loves; give us courageous hearts that cannot be worn down by trouble; give us righteous hearts that cannot be sidetracked by unholy or unworthy goals. Give to us also, our Lord and God, understanding to know you, diligence to look for you, wisdom to recognize you, and a faithfulness that will bring us to see you face to face.
-Thomas a Kempis

This prayer is on my heart.
I just want to know and love and serve Jesus.
I don't want anything else...or at least I don't want to want anything else.
Jesus is enough.

2009-11-22T20:21:00.000-08:00

The Bible says that "those who fear the Lord lack nothing."

I was very convicted by that this morning.

I wonder how different my life would look if I truly lived as if I lacked nothing.

How would my attitude change towards other people?

How would my thoughts change about my self image or boys or school?

How different would the body of Christ look if we were a people who believed that we are complete in Christ?

We lack nothing. We have everything. We are complete.

I want to live like I believe it.

2009-11-12T14:09:00.000-08:00

Confession:
Until two days ago, I hadn't cried since the day I left camp.
And I've had things to cry about.
But it just never happened.
I tried...I watched sad movies, read old journals, thought about sad things.
I even went for long drives late at night to the middle of nowhere Alabama just to wallow in my self-pity and try to make tears come.
But nothing.
No tears.
Until two days ago.

It was one of those moments where I knew I was learning something the moment I was learning it.
It was as if the Lord was actually speaking audibly to me - so much so that I'm not even sure what the word "audible" even means anymore.
It was a lesson 6 years in the making.
My life and my heart and my attitude were changed.
Changed in eternal ways.
Because of this one lesson.
And it brought me to tears.
Big, rolling, heavy tears.
Because it was tangible grace.
It was the sweet, intimate, mind-blowing grace of God in the form of a hard, painful, life-altering lesson learned.

It was beautiful.
And it was real.

And then, in the middle of this sweet, emotional moment, the fire alarm went off.
I'm in pajamas, in my bed, sobbing..and the freaking fire alarm goes off.
I had makeup ALL over my face.
And, on top of everything, it was raining. Like REALLY raining.
And I don't own a rain jacket. And I had lost my umbrella.

I may or may not have cussed out loud.

But then, as I walked down three flights of stairs, sirens blaring in my ears, only to stand in the rain in the middle of the night because some ADPi burnt popcorn, I laughed.
Because life is really funny.
Because sometimes it takes you 6 years to learn something that you've heard and read about your entire life.
And sometimes the most intimate moments with our God are the moments where we see how truly diseased we are inside.
And sometimes moments that are beautiful and real and Donald Miller book-esque are interrupted by fire alarms and hurricane Ida.

And now I'm sitting on my couch eating peanut butter from the jar and watching a very biased report on our "economic crisis" - frustrated with both because this reporter is, dare I say, ignorant, and this fork is a completely inappropriate utensil for getting the last bit of peanut butter off the bottom of the jar - and I'm wondering how I can go from being brought to my knees by the grace and the goodness of the Lord, to waking up the next morning and choosing sin once again.

I once heard someone say that true freedom is being free to choose your master.

If it is true (and the Bible says that it is) that I am no longer a slave to sin but a slave to righteousness before the Lord, then I am feeling the great rift of fallen men. And I hate it.

I am longing for the time and place where sin does not exist. And we can stand before the throne of God and worship him as our chosen master.

Because that will be a time and a place full of real, beautiful, Donald Miller book-esque moments. More so than we could ever conceive.
There will be no biased news reports, or struggling economies, or incredibly frustrating peanut butter/fork situations.
There will be no hunger.
There will be no tears.
There will be no sin.
And there will certainly be no fire alarms.

And I can't wait.

2009-11-06T08:09:00.000-08:00

"Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, 'Come along now and sit down to eart'? Would he not rather say, 'Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink'? Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty."

We are unworthy servants...and most of us haven't even done our duty.

Lord, forgive me for my pride and false sense of entitlement.

I am unworthy of the breath you have given me.

Your grace is unimaginable.

I have yet to know but a tiny part of who you are.

Have mercy on us.

We are selfish and unworthy servants..

don't freak out. i'm not smoking a whole bunch. i'm just writing.

2009-11-03T18:16:00.000-08:00

I rolled the window down a few more inches. The wind sucked the smoke out of my car faster than I could even exhale, but I knew even then the smell was sticking to me. A few strands of hair slipped quietly from my pony tail and whipped in front of my face as I drove. Headlights appeared from behind the hill in front of me and I quickly hid my cigarette by my thigh - as if they could see me - as if it mattered.

There were no street lights and the moon peered tiredly from behind the clouds, suffocated by the strength of the darkness. I could only see the few feet of road in front of me and a few trees to either side...and now headlights, which ironically kept me from seeing really anything at all. The approaching car and I flew past each other, and his red taillights faded quickly, first to a deep crimson red, then finally, to black.

For whatever reason, I always assume that other drivers are men. "That guy just cut me off." "What a jerk." "Thanks a lot, buddy." ...all my road rage phrases have male connotations. Does everyone do that? Or do other people actually call drivers who cut them off bitches rather than jackasses? Am I really that girl...the girl who's been hurt a few times so she subconsciously blames all her problems on guys and thus becomes an old, angry, man-hating spinster?

I glanced in the rear view and took another drag.

Maybe I'm not angry and jaded and pessimistic... I thought about the idea of that car. We were going in complete opposite directions and knew nothing about each other. We were alone. But we were together.

For a split second we shared the road, we shared the darkness and the trees and the wind. We were side by side. Equals. Together.

And then we weren't.

It reminded me of the many people who have played that role in my life. People I shared moments with, shared time with, shared wind with. People who were going entirely different places than I was. People who were there. And then were gone.

I thought about the boy. The boy who gives an almost tangible meaning to the idea of going different directions. I thought about the 4 years that we shared wind. It must have been dark then too, he couldn't really see me, and I feel certain that I hardly ever saw him. -- But man, did we share wind...

...and now his taillights are fading too. Some days they're crimson, some they're nearly black, and some days, in fact, in more recent days, they seem to be a little brighter than usual, a little closer than I remembered them being, than I want them to be.

But they're taillights nonetheless.

I took another drag. And felt stupid for being so metaphorical with myself. Sometimes thinking philosophically, or deeply, or really just thinking at all, makes me very uncomfortable. How presumptuous I am to think that my thoughts and ideas and stupid metaphors are of any substantial value.

I took another drag. I felt the heat of the lit end tinge my fingertips and flicked the butt out the window. I definitely smelled like smoke...

2009-10-29T07:24:00.000-07:00

i would like it to be fall forever

and for there to be no classes

and for money to grow on trees

okay great, thanks.

2009-10-20T17:04:00.000-07:00

I have spent so much of my life settling...

Settling for less that what I was given, what I really wanted, what I was created for

Settling for quick fixes and shallow pursuits and mindless enjoyment

for temporary highs and obviously destructive relationships.

And recently I've been really trying to figure out how to not settle.

How do I live passionately, no matter where I am or what I am doing -

And I have no idea.

I don't know what I want or where I want to be.

All I know today is that all I want is Jesus.

And to be obsessively, madly, passionately, fearlessly in love with Him.

I was trying to wait and post when I had some sort of revelation about what I'm doing with my life. But I've decided that I might not figure that out ever, and all that really matters is loving my God. So there you go.

2009-09-30T09:38:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here at the 24-hour Starbucks in tiger town, a place I've come to know all too well in the many hours I've spent studying here, and I'm feeling very claustrophobic.
I have an exam, a midterm, and a paper due tomorrow.
But I have no motivation whatsoever to work on any of it.
Instead, I just registered for Passion Conference 2010 and I'm SO DANG excited.

It feels like fall in Auburn finally.
I've been wearing jeans and hoodies all week...and there's just nothing better.
Pretty soon the leaves will start changing colors. If you've never been to east Alabama in the fall, you really haven't seen anything.

And all I want to do is sit outside and drink coffee and read a book. Or write one. Or lay in the grass and listen to music. Or go on a walk with a good friend. Or listen to a cute boy play guitar on a blanket on hippie hill.

I have absolutely no desire to study accounting. Or really to do school at all.
Days like today feel too right, too good, too freeing to spend on school work or stupid sorority meetings.
I'm feeling very limited by some of the things in my life.
But I'm living for a limitless God.
And that's just not adding up.

Not today, at least.

Not here at Starbucks, surrounded by over-priced text books filled with limited, temporary, underwhelming information.

I'm restless and bored.

Maybe I should just say screw it and not study.

Or maybe I should think about changing my major.

Or maybe I should suck it up and do my work and remember that I'm called to be a student today.

Damn.

2009-09-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

Can I just say, that standing in the beautiful Auburn stadium, under a completely black sky, in the POURING rain, surrounded by all my friends, standing next to a cute boy who loves Jesus, watching the cops try (and fail miserably) to make the students leave the stands, as the entire student body sings "I wanna knowww, have you everrr seen the rain?" is probably one of my most memorable moments in life.

Seriously, it just doesnt get better than that.

2009-09-16T10:14:00.000-07:00

He chose us.
He doesn't need us, but he wants us.
He created us.
He knows us.
He loves us.

I am a big, giant, messy, scary train wreck.
But the God of the universe looks lovingly at me and desires an intimate relationship with me.

I turn my face from him every single day.
But every single day he loves me and shows himself to me and draws me to himself.

Why does this not blow our minds every second of the day??
How in the world do we manage to forget this, or at least ignore it, and try to go our own way??

We are idiots.
Giant, screwed up, sinful idiots.

Dearly loved, uniquely made, intimately known idiots.

2009-08-30T22:08:00.000-07:00

SETTLING:

The lost ones are all slaves to you,
they fight but do not win.

Disguised, you wear a blackish hew,
And ever draw them in.

Afraid, the lost ones carry on
With all your shallow schemes,

And without hope for morning's dawn,
Lose sight of all their dreams.

Your message, laced with lies and hate,
Bids them to succumb,

To empty lives, so second-rate,
And stoic hearts so numb.

But even though you seem to be
The strongest force at hand,

There comes a man to rescue me
And on his grace I stand.

Though undeserved, the chains I bore,
Again I'll never see.

A slave to you I am no more
Forever I am free.

2009-08-25T12:33:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about this entry for a long time.
With every blog it is a challenge to find words that accurately describe what I'm thinking/feeling and make at least some shred of sense.
But in trying to write about camp, I'm finding that it is, in fact, impossible.
So, with that said, please excuse this sad attempt at a summary of my camp experience and bear with me as I throw together extremely random thoughts.

Camp was the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life.
I had moments where I felt extremely distant from the Lord.
And moments where I seriously thought out the exact, detailed way that I would escape in the middle of the night and drive straight to Auburn.
But I also had moments where I loved every second of camp.
And moments where I had never seen Him work so evidently.

I had girls in my cabin who were the exact opposite of me and I had no idea how to relate to. And I had girls who, simply put, WERE ME in high school. They had a bipolar sibling or struggled with anorexia or were way too caught up in partying or drugs or a long-term, very unhealthy relationship with a nonbeliever.

I had a camper who was the varsity cheerleading captain of her high school, partied all the time, had a boyfriend of 2 years who didn't know the Lord, had major self-image issues, and even worked at sonic. She was me. And on wednesday during our one-on-one, I held her hands as she tearfully confessed her need for a savior in one of the most beautiful, honest prayers I've ever heard, and accepted Christ into her heart.
In no way whatsoever did I deserve to be a part of that moment.

I found that last year at Auburn I did a really great job of completely ignoring my past. It was like I came to college and changed so much, but I never really dealt with who I was or what I did in high school. I completely compartmentalized my life and tried to act like it never happened. But pinecove forced me to face it. And by letting him speak truth through me to girls who reminded me so much of myself, the Lord dug up everything I had been trying to bury and used it to refine and teach both me and my campers. I experienced healing. And it was raw and painful and hard. But still...it was healing. And it was beautiful and undeserved and awe-inspiring.

It's a paralyzing grace He lavishes on us.

I learned the importance of humility. And of obeying at all times, even when you feel a million miles away from anything and everything you've ever known.
I learned about modesty. And about community. And about what healthy relationships look like.
I learned what it looks like to be completely at the end of yourself, and how much better it is to live that way.
I learned that it is not, never has been, and never will be about me. At all. And that that is the most beautiful truth in the whole world.

I saw prayers answered within minutes. I saw lives change. I saw God reveal himself in a thousand different ways. I learned so much. And I'm still realizing ways that I've changed. It's like everything I was taught was sitting on the surface and now that I've left camp it's slowly sinking in.

Part of me is thankful for the experience but never wants to do it again.
And part of me wants to pre-sign for the full summer of 2010.

It was miserably incredible.

I am a different person than I was when I left for camp.

And I wish I had words that would do justice to my feelings about the time I spent there. But there just aren't. And I'm okay with that.

All I know is I'm different. And I'm very much looking forward to watching the replay of my 8 weeks at camp on a big screen when I get to heaven.

2009-07-26T08:49:00.001-07:00

CAMP.

Please pretend that the word camp is actually an extremely long post on everything that the Lord is doing in my life and in the lives of the campers and staff around me.

There is no way i could ever even begin to explain or describe it, so after a few failed attempts at beginning a meaningful post, i decided to opt for a much more effective/kind of a cop-out alternative.

So, in conclusion,

CAMP.

The End.

2009-07-02T08:56:00.000-07:00

Well this is finally it...my time in Dallas is coming to an abrupt, yet somewhat drawn-out end. Saturday morning I'll say a bright and early goodbye to my family, pick up Keila, swing by starbucks, and head off to camp. Aside from a very short trip back home in August to attempt to shove everything I own into my tiny car, I won't be coming back to Dallas until Christmas.
It's a weird feeling to be terrified, thrilled, sad, and relieved all at the same time.
Being back here forces me to deal with my past in an extremely uncomfortable and direct way. I'm just not the same person I was back then so facing old friends, ex boyfriends, and past decisions is unbelievably difficult. I've wanted to write about it all summer but there just aren't words to express what it's like. All I can say is I'm thankful for the painful yet beautiful reminder of the unthinkable grace of God...and I'm super glad I'm leaving in two days.
On the other hand, I hate leaving my family. We just got back from what could potentially be the last vacation the 5 of us would take alone and it makes it even harder to say goodbye. For the first time in a long time I feel really close to them all. My brother and sister are both in a really good place and I'm so lucky to have them. Plus we have incredible parents who I think could quite possibly be the coolest people alive. As much as I love and miss Auburn, it's still a little hard to leave home.
But I'm ready. I have no idea what to expect from camp this summer. I have no idea why God even chose me for this job. All I know is I'm excited and scared and anxious and ready to go.
I feel incredibly blessed to get to serve Him in this capacity and I can't wait to see what He has in store for Shores 2nd half staff and campers.

So anyway, I might get to post on my days off...but if not please don't worry - I'll be back in August.

2009-06-25T09:40:00.000-07:00

forward. forward. forward.
simplicity there. opportunity there. possibility there.
get there. get there. get there.
days. days. days.
passing by.
on my way.
there.

stop.

here.
now.
breathe.
simplicity here. opportunity here. possibility here.
stay. stay. stay.
intentional.
minute by minute by minute.
purpose. reason. passion.
breathe.
now.
here.

2009-06-20T14:45:00.001-07:00

i want to stay kinda.
but i need to leave.

im really scared of camp.
but i cant wait.

i hate moving out of my parents house again.
but i am SO excited to get back to auburn.

i love being here.
i hate being here.

i have fun here.
i suck here.

i have so many friends here.
i have no friends here.

this blog means nothing.
this blog says everything.

2009-06-02T08:26:00.000-07:00

I love camp.
I know I was only there for trailblazing and orientation, and I haven't reached the hard part yet, but I just love it.
I believe in Pine cove and their structure and reasons.
And I just feel so blessed to be a part of it.
Now I'm just ready to go back.
I love spending time with my family, and I'm excited for our vacation to padre thats coming up.
But other than that, I'm ready to go back.
I wont lie, I don't love Flower Mound.
At all.

2009-05-15T05:50:00.000-07:00

I don't feel like blogging.

I feel like going to camp.
I feel like running.
I feel like reading my new book in a quiet coffee shop somewhere. (which I'm convinced does not exist in flower mound)
I feel like going back to Auburn.
I feel like writing...but not public, blog style writing - just journal writing.
I feel like spending time with my sister on her birthday.

I feel old.
I feel bored.
I feel weird.

So no blogging.

And unless I feel like blogging within the next day or two, it'll probably some time before I blog again.

I'm leaving for camp on sunday and I'll be gone for two weeks.

So bye?

2009-05-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

Well the school year is over.
I finished relatively strong although business calc 2 kicked me off the deans list...I'm okay with it though.

Moving out was weird. I hated saying goodbye to my friends, I hated trying to fit everything I own into my tiny car, I hated having to tie my trunk down with rope because the latch broke, and I hated leaving auburn.

The day I graduate from college will be the saddest day of my life. (that may be a little extreme but you know what I mean)

I've spent the weekend in Sylacauga with my grandparents, uncle, and mom and it's been great. My grandma's surgery went well and her recovery is slowly progressing. Tomorrow mom and I will drive back to Texas...thirteen hours in the car with me - happy mothers day to her.

I have a week at home and then next Sunday I'll be headed to pinecove for two weeks of training and trailblazing! I cant wait. =]

I know this is extremely boring and not even a little interesting but this is my update...deal with it.

2009-05-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY sleep? STUDY STUDY STUDY.

last final=wednesday.

anyone know a place i can work from june 1st - july 3rd? i need a job in a bad way.

2009-04-28T10:41:00.000-07:00

Well the year is REALLY ending now.
Tomorrow is my last day of regular classes, thursday is dead day, and my finals start next week: two on monday, one on tuesday, and the last one on wednesday.
So next thursday I'll be packing up the sunfire and leaving Auburn and all my friends for three whole months.
Weird.

My grandma that lives in Alabama is having surgery next week though so I won't actually be coming back to texas till the following sunday. Mom is flying out to be with her and then the two of us will roadtrip back home together.

People say it all the time so I recognize that this phrase has kind of lost its effect but this year really did FLY by. I can't get over it. And I only have three more of these...

I'm old.

My sister is old. She's turning 13 the week I come home. THIRTEEN! Are you kidding me?

And ill be 20 next time my birthday rolls around. That is unreal.

Times goes by WAY too fast sometimes. I'm not sure that I like it.

2009-04-20T07:19:00.000-07:00

I can't get over how quickly this school year is ending. Not seeing my Auburn friends for almost three months makes me want to cry. A lot.
But, I am so unbelievably excited to have quality time to spend with my family that isn't rushed and stressful. And I'm SO FREAKING excited for Pine Cove!!

Last week was pretty insane. I had a major test in a bio, a spanish interview, and my 12-page research/term paper due. But this week is much more relaxed so I can actually start packing. I don't know how they expect us to study for and take all our finals in the same few days that we are supposed to move out. So I need to get started early.

It's just weird. I've lived in Auburn this whole year and I can't believe I am leaving it for so long. I will most definitely be ready to come back when school starts again in the fall. Then, I will be living with all of my pledge class in the brand new auburn apartments, and I will have my own room, and I won't be a freshman anymore, and I'll get to come back to all the high schoolers I've met through younglife, and meet even more, and go to more football games...and it will be AMAZING.

But first, summer, family time, and CAMP! =] YAYYYY.

2009-04-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

Three weeks from tomorrow I'll be back in Texas?!?
As in, it will summer vacation.
As in, my first year of college will be over.
WHAT?!
I'm not okay with this.

Dear College,
Please slow WAY down. I never want to leave you.
Love Always,
Bailey

2009-04-10T06:53:00.000-07:00

Come close,
Listen to the story
About a love more faithful
Than the morning
The Father gave
His only Son
Just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt
The Father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day the true love died,
The day the true love died.
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move
Came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day the true love died,
The day the true love died

Search your hearts
You know you can't deny it
C'mon Lose your life
Just so you can find it
The Father gave
His only Son
Just to save us

Jesus is alive Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive He is alive
He rose again!

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move
Came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day the true love died,
The day the true love died

Come close listen to the story

Phil Wickham - "True Love"

2009-03-31T06:54:00.000-07:00

The centurion from Luke chapter 7 didn't even know Jesus, he had only heard of him. Yet, he believed with all of his heart that Jesus could save the servant he loved, so he sent his men out to ask for Jesus' help. Then, as Jesus headed to his house, the centurion asked that he not even come in: "Lord don't trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you." He had faith that if Jesus would just say the word, his servant would be healed.
He had only heard of Jesus.
He never saw him raise the dead, or make blind eyes see, or feed hundreds with just a few fish.
He never even heard him teach.
But someone told him about Jesus...and his faith was so great he believed in Jesus' holiness and power and love.

I've heard of Jesus all my life. I know him on an intimate level. I've seen his transforming power both in my life and in the lives of many people I know. He has met me in the depths of my heart, has seen my deepest hurts, has witnessed my darkest sins, and has still never left my side.
But my faith is not nearly as strong as the centurion.
I doubt Christ all the freaking time.
He's never given me a reason not to trust him...but I don't.
He's never turned away from me...but I turn away from him all the time.
What the heck.

2009-03-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

So I'm reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell and so far I really like it.
Yesterday, I was killing time at Starbucks before class and I read his section on "Superpastor." For anyone who hasn't read it, he's talking about how superpastor is this perfect pastor who is always available and a great friend and is basically perfect, and how trying to be that was killing him.
So, in reference to his idea...meet Superbailey:

Superbailey is 19 and goes to Auburn University. Last semester she earned a 4.0 GPA and made the dean's list. Superbailey is a member of Alpha Omicron Pi and is very involved with intramurals, philanthropy events, and socials in her sorority. She goes to church every sunday, is in two small group biblestudies, and has lots of great christian friends. She is also a YoungLife leader, a summer camp counselor at Pinecove, and next year's biblestudy leader for the freshmen pledge class of AOII. Superbailey does all of these things while being extremely organized and never forgetting anything. She is busy, but will always make time to have coffee with you. She reads challenging books and listens to great music that most people have never heard. She always has great, interesting blog topics. She also works out every day and always looks nice. But she's never stressed because she is great at being joyful in all situations. Superbailey has it all together.

That makes me want to throw up. I don't know why I've been striving to be superbailey... She doesn't really even look that good on paper. But for some reason that's what I've been after. And nothing good is coming from it.
So today we're killing superbailey.
I dont have it all together, I'm not going to make that 4.0 this semester, and for goodness' sake I refuse to keep wearing pearl earings everyday like every other girl on this campus.
I dont care. I will do my best but thats all I can offer.
I will strive to be the person God wants me to be and thats it.
He loves me as a trainwreck so I might as well embrace it.
...Just thought you should know

2009-03-23T17:41:00.000-07:00

spring break was INCREDIBLE.
a weekend at home was very much needed. my family is just so great. but my sister is SO old. it freaks me out.
i hate that im not able to seem them more but i am thankful for last weekend.
plus i cant tell you how lucky and how thankful I am to have such a huge group of amazing friends who love the Lord.
i couldnt have asked for anything better.
and spending a week at the beach with all of them was just the most perfect spring break ever.
plus i got my nose pierced cause im a huge rebel =]
dont judge me.
unfortunately, now that spring break is over there are officially no more breaks in school before we get out for summer. which means ive got six weeks straight of homework, tests, and papers followed by finals before i can relax again.
bummer.

2009-03-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

I'm coming home next Thursday!! =]
I'm SO excited. I feel like I haven't seen my family in years.
Then that following Monday I'll be headed to Destin with 17 of my closest friends for Spring Break!
...I'm living the good life.
Just gotta get through two papers, a bio test, and my lab practical first :/

2009-03-01T08:31:00.000-08:00

friday it stormed ALL day...even during my formal (which was bad news for my hair.)
saturday morning we had tornados touch down in auburn.
saturday during the day was beautiful, probably in the 70's...i was wearing shorts.
and today i wake up to TONS of SNOW! and its supposed to snow all day!
...its almost like Texas weather.
i LOVE it.

2009-02-23T14:56:00.000-08:00

Mardi Gras weekend was by far one of my favorite weekends since I've been here at Auburn. I have been SO blessed with incredible friends. I don't think 5 minutes went by without someone nearly dying of laughter.
I could go on...but I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves.

Pre Parade:

Post Parade:

2009-02-19T12:40:00.000-08:00

So i had three tests and a paper due last week...the paper and my spanish test i've yet to receive a grade for...
but somehow i made the worst grade ive EVER made on a test on one of them...and the best grade in the entire class on the other.
and i think i studied equally for them both.
THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

whatever.
I'm going to Mobile for Mardi Gras this weekend with a HUGE group of my friends and I'm so excited! That will definitely make up for my ridiculously awful test grade. Moon Pies = <3.

2009-02-17T09:01:00.002-08:00

Hi. My name is Bailey and I am the busiest person alive.

I'm doing really fun, exciting things and I love it. But I am SO busy.
Between school, biblestudy, AOII, Greek Sing, and YoungLife - my schedule is insane.

Even my weekends are booked. But like I said, they are booked with really fun, exciting things. This weekend my sorority sisters and I, plus all our close guy friends are going down to Mobile for Mardi Gras. Next weekend is AOII Red Rose Ball and I have company coming in from Dallas. The weekend after that is Dance Marathon and the one after that is Spring Break.

I'm so excited about all of them.

But I would like a day to sleep. Or read. Or go to the park and NOT be studying. Or go for a walk and not constantly be thinking of all the things I have to do.

I use my mornings for my quiet time...which I love...but getting up extra early=never getting my 8 hours.

I don't know.

I have a really awesome, incredible, wonderful life. and I love Auburn and everything about it. but I wouldn't mind if they gave us a day off to be still. I mean, I know that is what Spring Break is for...but lets be honest, who is really going to do that?

2009-02-10T10:28:00.000-08:00

I wrote my first paper in English on the argument/struggle between contemporary and traditional music in the church.
I am now writing my second paper on the role secular music can have in the lives of Christians and how that should/should not play into our church and worship services.
I don't even go to a Christian school.
And my professor is not even a believer.

I love college.

2009-02-04T07:10:00.000-08:00

So this morning I've been thinking about faith...the kinda that compels you to to lay down everything you have/are/want to follow the Lord. The kind that Noah had when he built his huge boat on dry land and didn't know why. The kind Moses had when he lead his entire nation into the red sea. Basically, the kind Hebrews 11 talks about.
But specifically this morning, I've been thinking about the story of Abraham when God called him to sacrifice Isaac. Now, I've heard this story before many times. And though I don't have children of my own, and therefore probably can't fully understand what that must have felt like, I am still always moved by his act of faith.
However, until this morning I had never thought about it from Isaac's point of view. I guess I always pictured him as this clueless little kid climbing on the alter saying "okay daddy, now what?" (not that I'm trying to make light of the story - but it's just what I've always assumed). I realize though, Isaac wasn't a little kid. He was probably in his early teens and therefore much stronger than his elderly father. He knew exactly what was going on. He knew what an alter was. He could have resisted, but he didn't.
He obeyed his father and climbed on top of that alter. He let Abraham bind him to the wood. He let him raise the knife to kill him...and never fought back.
He knew he was about to die - to be killed by his own father - and he trusted God.
Talk about faith.
The kind of faith that literally compels you to lay your life before the Lord as an offering.
That's the kind of faith I want to have.

2009-02-02T15:33:00.000-08:00

I really like when God speaks to me. I don't know why I don't shut up and listen more. I just get so caught up in talking and complaining and asking for things and resisting - my prayers are so selfish - I forget to listen. I forget the other side of the conversation.
But today God answered a prayer loud and clear. Everything I've been thinking/wrestling with this past few weeks, every question I've posed both out loud and in my head, was answered in my 1 hour break between bio and spanish.
I won't go into too much detail because this would be the longest post ever...but I think Jerry Bridges sums it up pretty well with this quote:
"To confuse the potential for resisting (which God provided) with the responsibility for resisting (which is ours)is to court disaster in our pursuit of holiness."
The End.

2009-01-27T10:03:00.001-08:00

I think my parents are really cool.
I think Auburn is REALLY cool.
I think my sorority, our reputation, and what we stand for is really cool.
I think my english teacher encouraging me to write my huge, massive, killer term paper on the place of music in the church is really cool.
I think facebook and the ability to keep in touch with so many people that live so far away is really cool.
I think tamaflu is a lifesaver...thus, really cool.
I think the idea of 16 girls in a house on the beautiful beaches of Destin for spring break is really cool.
I think the insane things God is doing in my life and those around me is (for lack of a better term) really cool.
I think the idea of working at pinecove this summer is REALLY cool.

Basically I'm just living a really cool life right now. And I like it a whole lot.

Happy Birthday Mom!

2009-01-24T10:03:00.000-08:00

Today is my mom's birthday...

So if you see the oh so wise, caring, multi-talented, beautiful, loving, selfless, funny, fabulous, and gosh darn incredible Joy Price today, please wish her a happy birthday. And give her a big hug on my behalf.

I like her. A WHOLE LOT.

2009-01-21T10:35:00.001-08:00

I have the flu.
I feel like I've been hit by a car.
Multiple times.
I'm missing classes.
I can almost feel my grades slipping.
And I feel like death.

I don't care how old I am...
I don't care that I'm in college...
I don't care that I live on my own now and am supposed to be mature...
I WANT MY MOMMY.
:(

2009-01-15T21:33:00.000-08:00

I'm in a funk.
It's probably being exemplified by exhaustion but who has time for sleep?
Plus I received weird news from the doctor today. I'm not a huge fan of doctors. And I'm definitely not a huge fan of my body being all whacked out.
So in an effort to pull myself out of said funk, here's a list of good things:

-younglife workcrew retreat this weekend at sharptop mountain...snow all weekend...pretty excited
-birthday on saturday. weird being away from home. weird being 19. weird that its my last year as a teenager. but excited nonetheless.
-still excited about spring break
-still excited about working at pinecove this summer
-excited and frustrated by what God is teaching me
-and excited about being elected bible study leader for next year's pledge class by the leaders council of my sorority. big honor. im so lucky. =]
((please excuse my over usage of the word "excited" - im too tired to think of another))

this list is a lot shorter than i originally intended but I'm tired, I have homework, I need to pack, and I have class all day tomorrow until I leave. I actually have to skip a couple, including my bio lab, so I can leave with the group - probably not the best idea but what can you do.
...so maybe I won't pull myself out of this funk tonight.
Let's count on tomorrow.

2009-01-14T20:16:00.000-08:00

I'm really tired.

2009-01-07T17:15:00.000-08:00

I'm back in Auburn and its wonderful. =]
I loved my time at home and was definently a little sad to leave but it was time to come back to my own life/room/friends/etc. Classes started today and I'm a little nervous about everything I'm signed up for. It will definently be more work than last semester but I'm hoping that it will still work out. My english professor seems really cool and my business calc 2 professor actually speaks english which is a huge relief, but my bio lab is friday night from 5-7 and that really blows.
Aside from school, I'm really super excited about this semester! We have greek sing in april and practices are starting soon. (Greek sing, contrary to what the name suggests, is a huge dance competition between all the sororities on campus.) Its a really big deal and everyone gets really into it - I'm pretty pumped.
And Spring Break is in march! My sisters and I are hopefully going to Destin for the week and I CANT wait.
But most importantly...my birthday is next weekend!! I'll be on a younglife retreat and I'm so stinkin excited!! It will officially be my last year as a teenager...aka WEIRD. Most days I still feel about 16. But yay birthday!
Anyway, thats the update. I'm not big on resolutions but if I was, I'd resolve to blog more. I'll let you know how that works out.

2008-12-28T16:26:00.000-08:00

The problem with blogging is there's not always something to write about, so entries are sporadic and somewhat unexpected. But since I don't write every day or every other day even, it feels like I should only write about interesting/important things. And sometimes my life is not interesting and important things aren't happening. But I certainly don't have the time or discipline to blog every day. Hence, a problem.

2008-12-17T09:59:00.000-08:00

13 hours in a car by yourself is a long time. A very long time.
And I-20 is a boring road. And Louisiana is an ugly state.
But for the most part, I really didn't mind it. When you're in a sorority and you live in a dorm room and have roommates and suite mates and such...alone time is very hard to come by. So a 13 hour drive by yourself is good for things like prayer, singing like an idiot, prioritizing, day dreaming, and overall decompressing after a long, hard, amazing semester and 5 long, hard, not so amazing finals.
But still, it's a long drive. And sketchy gas stations in the middle of no where aren't the most comforting places for an 18 year old girl by herself. Especially in Mississippi and Louisiana when I have Texas plates and Auburn/AOII stickers on my car.
But I'm home. And I got here safely with very little traffic and not so terrible weather. (Although its MUCH colder here than the 70-degree weather that I left in Auburn). And the sunfire is still holding strong, all 95,860 miles of her. And I am thankful.
So if anyone wants to buy a college girl with a tight budget a cup of coffee between now and January 5th, let me know! =]

2008-12-14T11:38:00.000-08:00

I want to blog but my brain is so fried from studying that nothing comes to mind.
The End.

2008-12-10T08:42:00.000-08:00

Business calc final today.
Biology Friday.
Psychology Monday.
History Tuesday.
I've been drinking too much coffee, eating too much junk food, and staying up too late.
The library is packed, starbucks is full, and my room is starting to get old. And its raining.

I'm trying to live for today. I want to glorify and serve God TODAY and not waste my time thinking about tomorrow or next week.
But its pretty dang hard to do that when its Christmas season and I'm less than a week from driving home to spend 2 1/2 weeks with my family and friends in Texas.
I'm trying though.

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." When, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'" James 4:13-15

2008-12-07T10:47:00.000-08:00

This morning my pastor spoke about the journey from darkness to light, referencing John 1:3-5:
"Everything was created through him; nothing - not one thing! - came into being without him. What came into existence was Life, and the Life was Light to live by. The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness; the darkness couldn't put it out."
(The Message)
His main focus was on the idea of Christ as this perfect light that: 1. Brings order to chaos, 2. Reveals truth, and 3. Guides us perfectly. As we step out from the darkness and further into the light we see more of how unworthy we are and how loving He is.
The idea isn't entirely new to me. I've heard sermons based around it before. But God let me hear it differently this morning. I think I've let my fears and uncertainties about walking in the Light bring me down recently. When we see how great He is, we see how terrible we are, and I feel like Satan has been delighted to throw my inadequacies in my face.
But this morning I was reminded of where this journey is taking me: perfect fellowship with Christ. While we'll never fully get there until heaven, we can continue to get closer. There's always more to learn. I'm amazed that even though my entire salvation is based on God's grace, I forget that it applies to my everyday failures too. How great is our God.

2008-12-02T18:04:00.000-08:00

Tonight I just want to sing and dance and jump and scream and play and praise the Lord.
Praise God for the work He's doing in Auburn.
Praise God for changing hearts and lives.
Praise God for warm clothes and heated buildings.
Praise God for friends and laughter and memories.
Praise God for struggles and fears and trials.
Praise God for His love.
Praise God for His patience.
Praise God for the eternity He's promised us.
Praise God for preparing a place for us.
Praise God for watching us as we sleep.
Praise God for bodies that can jump and sing and dance.
Praise God for clouds and storms and nighttime.

Praise the Lord.

2008-11-30T12:29:00.000-08:00

I feel like I could write about eight trillion different things. But instead I'm going to type an extremely unorganized blog that might not make a lot of sense, and you're just going to have to deal with that, friends. =]

Random thoughts on going home:
-my parents really are the greatest parents in the whole world...I know I'm biased, but I really, truly believe it.
-my sister is growing up really fast and is becoming this mature, spiritually grounded, incredible young woman that I'm so blessed to have in my life.
-my brother is still one of the funniest people I know and I really do love the relationship we have.
-my high school friends are beautiful and wonderful and God had prepared me way more than I knew for the time I spent with them.
-Keila is still my very best friend in the whole world.
-my dog hates me, or at the very least did not miss me at all.
-God uses people/situations to humble me when I least expect it.
-I had a lot of fun when I lived there, but I'd never want to go back.
-God is doing exciting things in Texas.
-It was a great week...long, spiritually-challenging, and overwhelming but incredible, refreshing, and fun too.

Random thoughts on coming back to Auburn:
-it's so so good to be home =]
-it'd be a lot better if we had won last night ((or at least scored))
-I love living here
-I'm really not excited about exams
-somehow my roommate and I accidentally unplugged our fridge and now it smells and our food is ruined...goody.
-God is doing exciting things in Auburn.
-Alabama is way more beautiful than Texas.

Only 17 days till we get out for Christmas break and I drive to Dallas again. I'm looking forward to having this semester done with and spending Christmas with my family and friends. But until then, I'm excited to see what all God has planned for my life and the lives of people I love so much in the next 17 days. I'm blown away by his power and the perfection of his love.

2008-11-27T12:44:00.000-08:00

Check out this excerpt from my November 2004 blog:

This week has been very interesting to say the least. I ruined my family's thanksgiving...
You see our dining room table is not quite big enough to fit my whole family and our food so we have these little leaf things that fold out from the sides of the table and hinge up or something like that. So i walk into the dining room @ 2:30 on thanksgiving afteroon. My mom had set up all the food, her grandmother's china plates and dishes, all of our food which she made completely from scratch...minus the turkey obviously..., candles and a beautiful flowered centerpiece. ((She usually goes all-out on holidays.)) Needless to say it was a beautiful table and my mom decided she wanted to take a picture of it. So she went into the kitchen and I decided to sit down at the table and wait for the rest of the familiy to get their drinks and w/e. And just as i gently put my hands on the edge of the table-leaf to sit down, it all went crashing down. Apparently the leaf was not hinged correctly or something so it just dropped along with all of my mom's homemade food, my great grandma's china, and pretty much most of our meal. Excluding the turkey and like one casserole. I just stood up and started crying. She worked all day on that food to make our thanksgiving like awesome and i ruined it. Her initial reaction of course was like "what the heck happened?!?" but after realizing that it was not completely my fault everyone calmed down and moved our turkey, and sweet potato casserole into the breakfast area to enjoy a small, but lovely thanksgiving meal. But if you know my family then you would know that i am probably not going to hear the end of it for a very long time. You would think that after 3 days of making fun of me, my dad and brother would have lived it down...but no. The punches just keep on coming.

...I still hear about it today.
Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-22T15:52:00.001-08:00

I'm home =]
I'm excited and nervous and scared and thrilled.
Updates later.

2008-11-16T11:44:00.000-08:00

I'm a failure.
I fail at a lot of things.
And sometimes it really brings me down.
But I read a quote the other day, and I can't remember it exactly, but it was something along the lines of - Christians and the church shouldn't be afraid of failure, we should be afraid of succeeding at things that don't matter.
There's a big lesson there.
And I'm excited to learn it.

2008-11-12T06:22:00.001-08:00

I miss sleep.

2008-11-09T18:26:00.000-08:00

"Would it not be an encouragement to a subject, to hear his prince say to him, You will honor and please me very much, if you will go to yonder mine of gold, and dig as much gold for yourself as you can carry away? So, for God to say, Go to the ordinances, get as much grace as you can, dig out as much salvation as you can; and the more happiness you have, the more I shall count myself glorified."
-Thomas Watson

Now I'm not sure how I feel about saying "as much salvation as you can" because I believe that salvation is a gift given only once when we believe and receive Jesus Christ...but thats not the point. The point is we have every opportunity to enjoy Christ and it makes absolutely no sense that we don't. "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him."

What if we started looking as radicaly living for Christ as the norm instead of the extreme? What if we enjoyed Christ by being compeltely satisfied in Him, glorifying Him in doing so, every single day? It's not impossible. And I don't really think its an option. When did we start thinking it was?

2008-11-06T08:17:00.000-08:00

I know that God's timing is perfect.
I know that I am called to be patient.
I know that I need the next 16 days to prepare my heart for the week of Thanksgiving.
But oh my gosh I CANT WAIT to come home!
Yes, I am nervous. I'm not the same person I was when I left...and the relationships back home will/should be altered because of it.
But I just want to be there. I want to hang out with my parents. I want to spend time with my sister who is growing up with out me there. I want to see my brother for the first time in a really long time. I want to go to starbucks on 407 and jamba juice and which wich. I want to go to Crossroads. I want to see my dog. And I REALLy want to sleep in my bed.
I love it here and don't really want to change a thing, except maybe, just for November 22nd, move it a little closer to Dallas.
Because it's going to be the longest 12 hour drive I've ever made.

2008-11-04T09:16:00.000-08:00

If you've never been to Alabama in the fall. Come. Right now.
Not only would I love to see you, but you would love to see it here.
The colors of fall are unbelievable.
And you have no idea what the sunsets are like. People here joke that God is an Auburn fan because the oranges and blues in the sky at sunset are so incredible.
I think it's true.
And I don't understand how people can see it, but not see Him.
And I don't understand why we aren't constantly praising Him.
And I don't understand how people can deny Him.
He's right here. Holding out His arms. Dying for us to run to Him.
He's painted this beautiful, incredible, unbelievable, unimaginable view for us - creation testifying to His glory - and we don't see it.
We turn away.

"Oh to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."

2008-11-02T20:23:00.000-08:00

Ordered chinese food today with my roommate.
Opened up the fortune cookie...it said this: "The coming month shall bring you much happiness."

I really hope so.

Although it probably won't be through Auburn football. And it definently won't be through the three exams and two projects I have due in the next few weeks.

But I am pretty happy about the fact that I'm going home in only 20 days. I can't wait to see my family and sleep in my bed and see all my friends. I'm a little nervous though...I feel like I've changed a lot since I've been here, and I'm sure everyone else has too. So I'm a little anxious about how it will be with all my old friends.

I guess I'll find out soon enough though.
And on the bright side, it for sure won't be weird with my family and I'm SO excited to hang out with them.

Anyway, I'm mostly just rambling now when I should be sleeping or studying or writing for nanowrimo.

But I just wanted to let everyone know that Novemeber was going to bring me much happiness and you should all be jealous. =]

2008-10-30T15:17:00.000-07:00

"Suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, any of you who does not give up EVERYTHING he has cannot be my disciple."
Luke 14:31-33

Jesus doesn't just want a little. He wants it all. Everything we have. Even if all we have is not much to give...

2008-10-27T11:29:00.001-07:00

I receive His love and then I hate.
I ask for guidance and then refuse to listen.
I hear truth and then choose lies.
I am content and then empty.
I am hungry and then distracted.
I am confident and then pridefully self-conscious.
I am watchful and then blinded.
I am refreshed and then exhausted.

it never ends

and it makes me dizzy

2008-10-21T08:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Self,

We need to talk. I mean this in the most loving way possible, but you suck. When are you going to realize that it's not all about you? When are you going to stop focusing on your purpose in life, your dreams, and your problems, instead of His purpose for your life and everything that follows? You've got it all wrong. "For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible,...everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him." (Colossians 1:16/The Message)

Also, you're welcome to receive joyfully the gifts of God that come from a relationship with Him, but you need to be seeking that relationship more than the gifts. Go after Him and His heart first, and let His gifts of joy and hope and everything else be a sweet byproduct. "Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His face continually." (Psalm 105:4)

And most importantly, quit being lukewarm.
No one wants your complacency.
There's nothing noble about being mediocre.
It's not enough to be "better" than the secular world. God's love is crazy and relentless. So then you should be crazy and relentless in your pursuit of Him. "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." (James 1:22)
Self, you are living in a world full of lukewarm, mediocre people. The type of people that make you so mad you just want to scream. So don't settle for what they've got. Be radical and crazy. Be what Jesus expected of His followers. Don't just refrain from sin, hate it. Be hard-core. Putting nothing before Him, including you. And above all else, love Him. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." (Mathew 22:37)
Shape up, self.
There's work to be done.

2008-10-19T18:48:00.000-07:00

I like pumpkin spice lattes and banana nut bread.
I like hot vegetable soup and warm whole grain rolls.
I like big woolen scarves and old fitted jeans.
I like converse and sperrys with thick patterned socks.
I like blankets and movies and sweet kettle corn.
I like sweatshirts and jackets with big furry hoods.
I like football and longsleeve t-shirts and hats.
I like thanksgiving and going home finally.
I like fall.
And I'm so excited that it's here.

2008-10-17T06:26:00.000-07:00

Today I'm going to...
*take a psychology test that i didnt study for because i studied for three other tests this week and just couldnt force myself to do it anymore
*go to all my classes in pajamas
*skip biology
*spend money i dont have on gasoline and starbucks
*drive to Sylacauga to spend the weekend with my grandparents
*have quality time with God on the drive
*enjoy being alone
*sing obnoxiously in my car
*rock the glasses and no-makeup look
*read a lot
*write a lot
*do absolutely no homework
*be loving
*be thankful
*be content.

2008-10-16T08:28:00.001-07:00

I'm doing NaNoWriMo.
I don't know why I'm doing it...I have no time for anything as it is.
But I'm pretty excited about it.

That is all.

2008-10-14T12:58:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to double major in Spanish and Marketing since I can remember.
I've seen my self walking downtown in a power suit and drinking unhealthy amounts of coffee and doing awesome projects and traveling and collaborating with other business people and making good money and so forth...
I never really gave thought to any other major...it was marketing and spanish. end of story.
But maybe I don't want to do that anymore.
Maybe I never want to wear a suit in my entire life.
Maybe I want to drink unhealthy amounts of coffee in jeans and old sweatshirts and slippers.
I still want to travel and collaborate with other people...but not about business stuff.
I'd rather just see the world and embrace it as a testament to God's glory.
And collaborate with people on interesting stuff. real stuff. eternal stuff.
And I'd still like to make money of course...but I don't want money to make me.

So what do I do?
I mean, I know this is not very original.
I know most people change their major 2, 3, 5 times throughout school and it all works out fine.
I know it's normal for people to go off to school and want to do all these radical, awesome things and have all these radical, awesome ideas.
I'm nothing new - i get that.

But I don't really want things to turn out fine.
I want things to be incredible. And radical. And awesome.

I want to do so much more than get an average degree, settle down with average Joe, and live in average neighborhoods doing average things.
There's nothing wrong with average...
And there's nothing wrong with degrees and settling down and living in neighborhoods either...And I don't mean to imply that I find all people with degrees who've settled down in neighborhoods to be average...
I just don't want it for myself, at least not right away.

I want big and awesome and radical and exciting and eternal things.
I want the urgency of the news of Christ to run my life rather than the urgency of next month's paycheck.
I want to go places and see places and read books and write books and learn things and share things...
I want to do so much that I can't even streamline my thoughts enough to write them down.

But I just wanted to make note of that to anyone who's reading this... because if I start to settle for average, I want people to be there to hold me accountable.
...call it the overzealous dreaming of a naive girl if you want to, I won't mind.
But I'm just warning you that I'm going to continue to dream overzealously (is that a word?) ...so if it bothers you, stop reading. =]

2008-10-09T12:28:00.001-07:00

Okay. Confession.
I haven't been completely honest. Well I haven't really been honest at all. With you, dear blog, or with myself.
But here goes.
I’m lonely. I’m overwhelmed and homesick and lonely.
I have no family, no core group of friends...and this doesn't quite feel like home yet.
In dallas, I knew people. I walked down the halls between classes of Marcus High School and knew a LOT of people. I was comfortable. Cozy.
I went to Starbucks and the baristas knew me. They noticed when I got a hair cut. They knew what drink to make without me even needing to order.
I went home and hung out with my parents. They hugged me when I had a bad day. They knew when to push about what happened and when to leave me alone. They loved me.
And then I pick up and move off to Auburn, Alabama. Where I know NO ONE…not one person.
And I join a sorority. Where sure, I meet people. I learn faces, names. Some hometowns. I meet my roommate, suitemates, a few girls on my hall.
And then classes start. And I walk through campus and no one recognizes me. No one sees me in my sweatpants and t shirt and remembers that I actually can look half decent when I try…they just see the sweatpants and the t shirt.
And I’m in mostly basic courses so I'm in lecture rooms filled with about 300 random people. I meet a few people that I sit near, mostly just through complaining about the tests or the homework.
And football starts. And its great cause I'm already an Auburn fan, I know the cheers and the fight song. I go with my suitemate because we're getting to know each other and we get along. And there are thousands, literally THOUSANDS, of people all around who I don't know. And the stadium feels a little small.
Is this the best year of my life? Is this what all the hype was about?
I think everyone’s putting up a big front. Everyone looovess college. Facebook pictures show the awesome people they’ve met or partied with. But they don't really know them. They change their status to prove to all their friends back home that they're having a great time. But are they?
I bet if everyone just stopped pretending, we'd all admit to being a little lonely.
Cause let's face it, college is scary. It's new and different and weird and intense. I mean absolutely everything has changed.
And I don't think everyone's having as much fun as they're pretending too. I don't think I'm alone in still being a little scared and missing her mom and dad. I don't think I'm the only one counting down the days until thanksgiving.
I’m just saying, all this pretending is starting to get old. Cause we all know it will get better, but until then, would it kill everyone to put a little honesty out there?
Cause if I’m being honest, it’s taking a little longer for the “best four years of my life” thing to kick in then I thought it would…
But PLEASE don’t mistake my frustrated complaints as a cry for sympathy. I may be uncomfortable and lonely and homesick and overwhelmed. But I've never felt closer to God.
I've had more spiritual *moments* in Auburn, Alabama than I ever have anywhere else. I've learned more about myself and about God in the past two months than I did in all four years of high school.
And I know He was just waiting for the perfect time to reveal them to me.
And I take comfort in knowing that that time was now, in the midst of the chaos.
I have no doubt that He will provide me with the friends that I need and the comforts of home that I miss from flower mound, and I will wait patiently and joyfully because I know that He is good and His timing is perfect.
So don’t feel sorry for me. Don’t call my mom and tell her to send me a care package or call your dentist’s ex-wife’s niece who goes to Auburn and tell her to befriend poor, little me. Cause I’m good.
I’m living. Really living. And it’s the most refreshing thing in the world.
…I just figured in order to justify my frustration with everyone else who’s faking it right now, I should probably quit faking it first. So there you go…

2008-10-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

My best friend Keila Christine is coming to stay with me this weekend.
She'll drive in from Arkansas tomorrow night and leave Sunday afternoon, which will undoubtebly come too quickly.
She is by far one of my favorite people in this world.
Since we've been away at school, our relationship has only strengthened. We talk all the time...
We share the joys of college.
We share the struggles of being a Christian in college.
And her friendship is just amazing...one of my most precious blessings.
So really I just wanted to say how excited I am that she's coming. Because God has done, is doing, and will do amazing things through this girl. And I am so so so thankful that she is my friend. And that she's coming tomorrow.
YAY! =]

2008-10-04T10:59:00.001-07:00

I know I'm not the first person to think this, say this, blog about this.
But really why does everyone seem to gauge the "college experience" on dating?
I'd say about 98% of the conversations I have with friends and family include "so...have you met anyone yet?" or "how are the boys in your life?" or something along those lines.
You know I get that most people meet their future spouse in college. I think thats cool.
But maybe I just don't want to meet anyone right now.
Maybe I'm getting things right with God and with myself before I even attempt to try to get things right with a guy.
Maybe for the first time in my life I'm learning what its like to be okay without a boy.
It just feels like the awesome things that I'm doing and experiencing and learning take a back seat to dating.
And I know that people just want the best for me. I know they just care about my life and don't mean to lessen the excitement of the other parts of college.
But I guess its just annoying.
Cause I am doing and experiencing and learning awesome things.
Like younglife, and sorority formal, and flag football, and running, and small group biblestudy, and reading.
So thanks for asking, grandma/friend/cousin/whoever. I really do appreciate it...honestly.
But no, I'm not dating anyone and yes, when I am I'll let you know. I'll tell you all about him...
until then, lets talk about something else.

2008-09-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

"God created us to need something or someone else. Sooner or later, any healthy individual discovers that autonomy doesn't cut it. Once we confront our need for someone or something beyond ourselves, we will subsist on the alms of others if we don't discover Christ. Like beggars we go from person to person with our empty cup, crying, 'can't you add anything to my life?' They might throw in a coin or two. In fact, a few may be weekly...and probably weary...tithers. But when we shake the cup, the tinny echo reminds us how empty we remain. Until we allow Jesus to fill our cups daily, we simply subsist...You were meant to thrive."
-Beth Moore

I could kill this metaphor. I could talk about the many people that for years were pointless "tithers" to my cup...the hundreds of coins tossed in that I know now were only foreign currency, some that seemed to have even poked holes in the bottom of the tin. I could thank those of you who tried to contribute, and usually did, something substantial. I could talk a lot about an empty cup. A whole lot.
But I won't.
I'll just rejoice that I figured it out now.
Thank you, Jesus.

2008-09-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

Me V. World.

*the weather-amazing. point for me.
*school-awful. point for the world.
*skipping biology-currently happening. point for me...thats 2-1.
*my suitemate-incredible, God-fearing, amazing. 3-1.
*my roommate...well... point for the world. 3-2.
*my bank account-empty. 3-3.
*my big sis-hilarious, loves Jesus, loves me. 4-3.
*my car not starting-suckfest. point for the world. 4-4.
*missing my parents- :[. 4-5.
*going home for thanksgiving- :]. 5-5.
*homework-awful and in mass amounts. 5-6.

...and so it goes...

2008-09-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

Hebrews 1:3 says that "the Son is the radience of God's glory"
so if we are called to be like Jesus, then we are called to be radiant...
and the definition of radiant is vividly bright and shining, marked by love, confidence, or happiness.
thats a really cool picture.
just saying.

2008-09-14T20:19:00.000-07:00

I am broken.
I am bruised.
I am battered.

I am fragile.
I am frightened.
I am frail.

I am weak.
I am worn.
I am worried.

I am sinful.
I am stained.
I am stale.

But He fixes,
And forgives,
And is faithful...

Through His goodness
and the giving
of His grace.

So in awe
and amazed appreciation,

I will rest eternally in His embrace.

2008-09-10T23:05:00.000-07:00

green is the new black.

2008-09-07T14:35:00.000-07:00

Today in the student union I was reading "Good to Great Expectations," an article in last weeks edition of Business Week, and it got me thinking.
(By the way, I'm not trying to sound cool by saying that I read Business Week magazing...Its a weekly assignment in my Business 1010 class.)
Anyway, the article is about this guy Jim Collins and his best-selling book on how to take good businesses and make them better.
In the article, he touches on the issue of creating balance in one's life...juggling work and the family, etc. He says "As I look at the most effective people we've studied, a 'stop-doing list' or not-to-do list is more important than a to-do list because the to-do list is infinite."
I get what he's saying. There's always something more to do...always another way to improve. And maybe in the business world he's right. Maybe it is better to focus on what not to do rather than what to do.
But for me, I'm finding that the opposite is true.
I've been creating my own list of things not to do for years...dont drink, dont smoke, dont lie, dont gossip, dont envy...
Just making the list was exaughsting, much less following it (although I rarely did.)
I think it's that list thats infinite. You can literally drive yourself crazy thinking of all the things you shouldnt do. And its frustrating and overwhelming and discouraging.
So instead, I try to focus on what I should do, which is simply to know God and live for Him as He lives in me. It's much easier to try to live for God than against the devil. And its a much more peaceful struggle.
Just a thought.

2008-09-02T21:15:00.001-07:00

if you just sit down and really think about grace and what it means in your life,
it can be paralyzing

2008-08-28T07:40:00.001-07:00

I run every day now, or close to it. I'm training for Auburns fall 5k and I'm pretty excited about it.
I made an amazing playlist on my ipod thats the exact length of time I need to run...as my time increases, I add another song of the appropriate length. It's pretty cool...except the last song is always eight billion years long it seems.
Anyway, not the point.
The point is, I try to change up my path every now and then so I don't get too bored. If you've never been to Auburn's campus, just know that its gorgeous, and anywhere I run is good scenery.
Still, not the point.
The point is...I was running behind my dorms on mell street today and I saw three RVs parked in the grass. The field they were parked in is all marked off with orange tape. People are here and ready for saturday.
Its pretty darn exciting.
I got my AOII loves Auburn button for the game and I'm picking up my tshirt today.
Saturday is tailgating with my amazing friends (including my bff Jenny who's flying in from dallas tomorrow!) and then the game!!
You have no idea how stoked I am.
Like no idea.
=]

2008-08-23T07:39:00.000-07:00

Its raining here in alabama...
The hurricane is tossing some storms up our way and the forecast says its going to rain all week.
The only problem with that is my AOII pledge retreat that I'm about to leave for. We're spending the weekend in Wetumpka at a place called Camp Chandler and I dont think rain and camping mix well when there are 60 sorority girls who don't like being muddy.
I don't really even like camping when it's sunny...but maybe it'll be fun. At the very least I'll get to know my pledge class better and I'm excited about that.

Being the first weekend of the school year basically every fraternity on campus threw a party last night. My friend Katie and I went to the lambda chi house. It was pretty fun but kinda crazy and overwhelming. There were people everywhere...standing in groups talking, on the stage dancing, walking into bedrooms, passed out in the hallways, throwing up over the railing, and being completely ridiculous in every aspect of the word. It was pretty funny I'm not gonna lie. Until a weird drunk guy wearing only a speedo tried to dance with me...talk about awkward. I didn't stay too long after that. Being sober, its funny for about an hour, and then it kinda wears off.
I'm glad we went though...it was an experience to say the least.

So now I'm off to my retreat in the rain.
Then another week of classes...
Jenny comes on friday =] =]
and saturdays the first FOOTBALL GAME =]
I'm soo freaking excited!
So look for me on tv...i'll be the cute one in the stands =]

2008-08-18T10:44:00.000-07:00

First day of classes...
It's all really exciting. Campus was pretty dead during rush week other than on the hill, so I love seeing all the people everywhere. The weather is really nice and my earliest class on Mondays is 9 am which isnt too bad. Tuesdays and Thursdays I don't have class till 11 so I'm excited about that.
Only major issue so far is my business calc class. My teacher, Mr. Kong, has been in America for two weeks. It's his first time in an english speaking country and it's obvious. He probably speaks about as much english as I do chinease. And if there was ever a class where I needed to be able to understand my teacher, it'd be business calc.
But I guess it could be worse.
Tomorrow's the first pep rally and I'm going with all my new A O PI sisters =]
And saturday we have a new member overnight retreat so that should be fun.
It's only been a little over a week so I'm sure I'll get homesick soon...but as of right now I'm doing great. I miss my parents but I can pretty much call them whenever I want so I don't feel like I'm too far away.
High school just could never compare to this.
I love college =]

2008-08-11T13:38:00.000-07:00

okay quick update before i have to go take pictures with my pi chi group...
college = amazing.
we haven't started classes yet, football obviously hasn't started yet, and we're not allowed to see boys at all this week - but i already love it.
imagine how much MORE i will love once you had football and boys to the mix.
=]
im so happy.
moving in was weird...my roommate is a freak and i was really sad when my parents left.
but it turned out fine cause my suitemate is awesome and i love her.
rush has been crazy and really busy but a lot of fun...we're doing stuff all day, everyday this week which is kinda overwhelming but amazing at the same time.
tomorrow i find out which sororities invited me back for round two which is exciting.
and by saturday i'll know which one, if any, that I'm gonna join.
After that I'll sleep all day sunday and wake up early on Monday for class.
crazy crazy crazy.
Anyway..the point is yay college boo high school.
the end. =]

2008-08-03T18:01:00.000-07:00

thursday.
anxiety.
tears.
excitement.
nerves.
uneasiness.
fears.
goodbyes.
hugs.
laughs.
memories.
thursday.
thursday.
thursday.

2008-07-24T08:30:00.000-07:00

im not a morning person.
and i really dont like getting up early.
but waking up to have coffee with one of your favorite people in the world makes it a little easier...
and its a pretty nice way to start your day.

so now im off to work, for the second to last time ever.
tomorrows my last day and im so happy.
no more courtesy tray every eight minutes.
no more making ice cream.
no more happy hour...which is really two hours and really not that happy at all.
no more sonic.

and then im gonna come home and pack for my CRUISE =]

its gonna be a good day.

2008-07-20T23:35:00.000-07:00

So I went through my entire room today in preparation for the big move. I took down posters and pictures from my walls, I cleaned out my closet, I sorted through all of my clothes, and I went through every drawer in my vanity/dresser.
The good stuff I kept, the old stuff I gave away, and the sentimental stuff I organized and stored in shoe boxes in my closet.
There are a lot of shoe boxes.
So I decided to write about the top five (in no particular order.) Top meaning the ones with the most impact in my life, good or bad.

1) Pictures, pictures, pictures. I had a huge bulletin board on my wall with a massive collage of pictures of all my friends. Now piled together in a fairly large shoe box are captured moments of church trips, proms, birthday parties, homecomings, and nights out with the girls. It was awkwardly emotional to fill and close that box.
2) Trips. This one was fun. I've kept pictures, menus, ticket stubs, and currencies from all the exciting places I've been. I added a lot today with all my london/paris stuff. I'm glad I kept so much so I'll remember all the different tourist attractions I saw and crazy interesting people I met. I gotta say I feel pretty lucky to only be 18 and have seen so much. And after my cruise next week with my friends I'll have some more to squeeze in the box which is pretty cool.
3) Family. My family, immediate and extended, is pretty cool about memories and such. My grandparents are really into geneology so I have a lot of information about that, which I like. Apparently I'm related to Patrick Henry (Mr. "give me liberty or give me death" guy). I also have a quilt that was passed down from my grandma...it doesnt quite fit in the shoe box but it still counts...and a ring that was my great great grandmas engagement ring. I think thats really really cool. My family is really really cool.
4) Chris. I had a drawer in my vanity where I kept all my chris stuff. I hadn't opened it in quite some time, which was smart, but today I was forced to. The idea was to transfer it all into the box without looking...but it didnt exactly work out that way. Instead I spent a good hour going through it all. There were old concert tickets and movie stubs. There were pictures, old tickets from the state fair, small stuffed animals, and even some dried up flowers. And then there were letters. He wrote me letters while he was in school. He wrote me letters while I was in Holland. He wrote me cards for birthdays and anniversaries. He even wrote me a list of 100 reasons why he loved me. (I know, I know, please try not to puke.) I'm sure its grossly cheesy and ridiculous and fake to everyone else but to us it was real... at the time. Real and strong and intense. But now its a shoe box. And thats okay.
5) College. Junior and senior year I got ridiculous amounts of college letters in the mail on a daily basis. Most of them I threw away, but the good ones I kept. Obviously all the Auburn ones. But also the fun ones like harvard and duke and yale. I would have never been accepted to those schools but I loved getting the letters so I kept them. I also kept all the scholarship letters I got. I like this box. It makes me excited. 18 days. =]

So my room is bare and boring and strange. But it's all part of the process I guess. It's getting close and scary and real and exciting. But I'm so ready to go. Lets just say I'm looking forward to looking back on these days.

2008-07-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

So I could blog about my trip to london and paris and how amazing it was.
Or I could blog about the cruise that I'm going on in 19 days.
Or my summer and how much I've been working.
Or the a/c breaking in my car.
I could blog about dorm room shopping.
Or how nice it is to drive by marcus and know I'm never going back...

But I think I'll just blog about how excited I am for college. Because its all I can think about. Orientation was amazing...I met some really cool people and did some really fun things. I joined some pointless club where I get free t-shirts before every football game. I registered for classes. I bought a lanyard for my keys and my parents got "AU Mom" and "AU Dad" car decals cause they're cute and I think they kinda like me.
It's exactly one month away. I'll be in my little silver sunfire with all my stuff in the car and my favorite music on driving away from my house and away from texas in exactly one month.
It's such a weird feeling...
and I kept saying that I was ready...
but I really wasn't then.
NOW I'm ready.
And I have a feeling this will be the fastest and longest month of my life at the same time...

2008-06-04T13:16:00.000-07:00

An Ode to High School:

High School, oh High School,
I truly will miss
The glorious days
Of true, high school bliss

Days full of notes
And quizes galore,
Hours of lectures
That never did bore

Followed by evenings
Of work done at home
Invariably causing
Fried-brain syndrome

And of course weekends
With options abounding
So many ways to sin
Its somewhat astouding

Then right back to Monday
5 more days of classes
That swept right by you
As fast as molasses

4 years of this heaven
such wonderful days
of teachers like angels
with flower bouquets

and books like good friends,
never leaving your side
and tiny, stiff desks
in which your ass did confide

So farewell high school
and all you entail
With you in my heart
I shall always prevail

Thank you dear friend
for the moments we shared
I always knew
how much you cared

I will think of thee fondly
with each passing day
despite the truth
that you're SO FREAKING GAY.

2008-06-01T21:02:00.001-07:00

so high school is pretty much over.
senior speeches are over.
my graduation party is over.
all thats left is graduation...
then best summer of my life
followed closely by AUBURN =]

im pretty excited.
not gonna lie.

2008-05-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

So...
prom is over
AP tests are finally done
school is a joke
final transcripts are in
i work way too much
im always tired
i cant wait until graduation
i hate how expensive gas is
i feel like its already summer
life is better now that greys anatomy is back on
im late for work

2008-05-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

PROM!!! =]

2008-04-23T16:30:00.001-07:00

I have a really cool friend named Kaylyn.
She's a junior cheerleader at Marcus and was one of my very favorite girls to cheer with this past year.
When she was three she was diagnosed with leukemia. By God's grace she beat the cancer and is now a very healthy, very normal, and very cool 17 year old.
Anyway, she's doing this thing called Team in Training...she's going to run a half marathon in November to help raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.
You cann read more about it on her Team in Training website:

http://www.active.com/donate/tntntx/kaylynmcbride

My point is, I think she's really cool. And what she's doing is really cool. And itd be really cool if you could help her out by donating or simply praying for her.

2008-04-20T14:28:00.000-07:00

I have ten minutes before I have to leave for work.
It's kind of an annoying drive. Highland Village road seems to last for thirty minutes by itself, then add 407 traffic, espeically now that there is construction, and its 20 minutes of my life that I dont really enjoy.
I try to make it fun for myself. I bought a pair of those big, fashionable sunglasses that everyone else wears to try to make myself feel cool. But mostly I just feel dumb. They are a strange combination of way too big for my face and not big enough to go above my eyebrows. Not that they should go above my eyebrows, but the fact that they stop just below them makes me feel like a wolf man everytime I see myself in the rear view mirror.
Anyway, so I bought some sunglasses and I usually roll my driver's side window down. I think the wind makes me feel less confined in my tiny little pontiac. But every time I glance down I see how fiercly the hair on my left arm is blowing and I have to face, once again, the wolf man feeling. Everyone has arm hair. It's just kinda weird.
I also like to make really killer CDs of random songs to help the drive. It helps more than the sunglasses and wind, but still makes me feel stupid when I catch myself singing too loudly, or worse, when I notice someone else catching me singing too loudly. Although nothing compares to the embarassment you feel when someone sees you nodding your head or bouncing your shoulders to the beat. I mean maybe other people dont find seeing someone dancing in their car as hilarious as I do. Maybe they dont judge me the way I would judge them. But if they do, thats super embarassing.
Anyway, the whole point of this rather pointless entry is just to feel sorry for myself that I have to make this drive so often. And that I have to in the next 2 minutes. Because despite my best efforts, its just a stupid, long, hairy drive. And I dont like it.

2008-04-04T09:17:00.000-07:00

as of today my grades are frozen and im super excited.
so essentially all i have to do is pass my two classes and i can graduate :]
basically i just have to get through the next two months...which shouldnt be too hard...
we have a field trip to medieval times mid april. prom is may 3rd (and i have the cutest dress ever) then ap exams and then graduation.
its all happening really fast.
and im really bipolar about it all. some days im so excited and i can hardly wait to just get out of here, but others i get super freaked out and scared and never want to leave.
i just dont feel old enough for this.
but whatever, its gonna happen either way i guess.

2008-03-14T07:03:00.001-07:00

SPRING BREAK :]

2008-02-28T07:49:00.000-08:00

^^cheer banquet.
its officially over. i dont even go to fourth period cheerleading anymore. which means I have both senior in and senior out, making my school day about 3 1/2 hours long...aka amazing. three months till graduation. five months and (i think) 4 days till i move to auburn. its happening really fast but im pretty much excited about it. yay senior year.

2008-02-24T08:39:00.000-08:00

My very last cheerleading banquet is tonight.
It's the last thing I will ever do as a Marcus Cheerleader.
Part of that makes me so extremely happy I can't even tell you.
But part of it is sad too.
I'll probably cry a little bit...which will likely make my date feel very awkward and uncomfortable but whatev.
This is just really super weird.
But I'm excited.